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Trainers are invited to write lessons, tips, and experiences with NVC.

Submitted by Bob Wentworth, Feb, 2019

In graduate school, I became an expert on lasers, devices that produce intense beams of exceptionally pure light. So, it's only natural that I sometimes use lasers as metaphors for how our minds work. I find the metaphor useful in understanding why some of us suffer as much as we do, and in charting a course towards more delightful ways of being.

To make a laser, you take a transparent substance that has been engineered to amplify light, and you put mirrors around it. A material that can amplify light will also spontaneously produce small amounts of light. When a tiny bit of light...

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Submitted by LaShelle Lowe-Charde, Jan, 2019

You know arguing is painful and doesn’t go anywhere, but you can’t stop yourself. You hear your own tense voice pushing your view and negating the other person’s view. You repeat yourself while getting louder, knowing all the while that it’s not helping. Afterwards, you feel hurt and exasperated. You long for a way through that is easy and connected.

Mostly, arguments like these arise and repeat because neither you nor the other person trust that needs will be heard and honored. Without this trust, you hold tightly to your opinion about how things should go. You think you have the...

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Thich Nhat Hanh on Compassionate Listening

Submitted by Sally Marie, Jan, 2019
By Opray Winfrey interview with Thich Nhat Hanh
From Opray Winfrey Network (OWN)

Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hanh says listening can help end the suffering of an individual, put an end to war and change the world for the better. Watch as he explains how to practice compassionate listening.

Submitted by LaShelle Lowe-Charde, Jan, 2019

When someone you love is facing a big challenge, you naturally want to help. Unfortunately, it is not always clear how to help. When it is something practical or physical, you might feel relief at knowing exactly how to contribute. When it is something emotionally complex, it’s not as easy to know how to offer support.

To complicate matters further, often your loved one doesn’t know what to ask for or what would be helpful. If there is reactivity in the mix, you are aware of not wanting to escalate it, but, at the same time, you know you want to help.

There is no simple...

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The Art of Mindful Communication: Living Your Values

Submitted by Sally Marie, Jan, 2019
By Oren Jay Sofer
From Talk-It-Out Radio

In these extraordinarily polarized times, what would it be like if people could truly hear others and speak their minds in a clear, kind way, without becoming defensive or going on the attack? Join Talk It Out Radio’s host and Oren Jay Sofer, meditation teacher and communication trainer, the author of a new book, “Say What You Mean: A Mindful Approach to Nonviolent Communication.” for an engaging conversation about Oren’s work and new book.

The Best Bad Book Ever Written

Submitted by Sally Marie, Dec, 2018
By Ben Dolnick
From Medium

The most useful book I’ve ever read — the one I would hand to a newly landed alien, if he had room for only one book in his alien-pouch — happens also to be the most mortifying. It’s a self-help book called Nonviolent Communication, and it’s about how we can communicate better, whether at a bar or in bed or across a negotiating table. Its author, Marshall Rosenberg, died nearly two years ago, and everyone who cares about the tricky business of getting along with people ought to (gently) raise a glass in his honor.

Submitted by Alex Censor, Dec, 2018

"Why" questions vs. "what" questions

I once worked with one client on the phone and by e-mail. He was having a painful series of encounters with his five year old about various conflicts (such as getting up to go to school, etc.)

He asked me a couple of times "why does she do that" and made clear he had asked her the same.

I passed on to him one tip I picked up from Marshall -- that "why" questions have a different (and often less lifeserving) dynamic than "what" or "how" questions and gave him some examples of the difference.

(Very relevant, also, was my own...

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Submitted by LaShelle Lowe-Charde, Dec, 2018

When you hear someone say they work in a toxic organization, it may seem to you that the only choices you have are to agree and collude, to disagree and argue, or to minimize and try to change the topic. Ugh, these aren’t life-giving choices. Unless you are able to offer empathy and the other person is able to receive empathy, conversations like these lead to disconnect and a sense of bind.

When a label or judgment attempts to describe the quality of something, it is simply an indication of someone’s perception. Hearing someone say that an organization is toxic doesn’t actually tell...

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Submitted by Selene Aitken, Nov, 2018

In 2008, I joined the ORNCC Board to participate in the planning of the “Leading a Non-Violent Life” 3-day conference at the University of Oregon. It featured Marshall Rosenberg, Rev C.T.Vivian, close colleague of Rev. Martin Luther King Jr, and Julia Butterfly Hill. My role during the conference was to assist Julia Butterfly Hill, a pleasure and a privilege. Mostly I made sure she had plenty of best quality drinking water in her glass jar.

I left the Board about a year later and returned in 2012. I’ve been the secretary for the last 5 years. Questions about meeting minutes? Check...

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Submitted by Gary Baran, Oct, 2018

“It” sucks.

“It’s a beautiful day” is never the truth, although I may feel thrilled and am inspired when I see light coming through clouds in just that way.

If you’re standing next to me, and looking in the same direction, you might have that kind of experience, too, or maybe not. Maybe your attention is elsewhere, for example on the latest political newscast. And I’m OK with that.

I am weaning myself of “It” so I can experience my life more fully. I hope you’ll join me in that even if you don’t notice the light coming through the clouds in this moment.

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