Spending time with family members over the holidays—the season of “good will to all”—often can be challenging.

Family gatherings may reveal a widening canyon of personal, political, and cultural differences; table conversations can halt in tense silence or devolve into explosive argument. Instead of gritting your teeth to get through the meal, here are six tips for more mindful conversations during the holiday season.

You know it’s important to take a timeout when you notice reactivity. Yet, when you come back to try again, you often get caught by the same reactivity.

If overwhelm is an all too frequent visitor, you likely find yourself withdrawing and trying to arrange conditions to be as quiet and peaceful as possible. When conditions are just right, you might get a short respite, but overwhelm seems to return no matter what you do.

Many years ago, I heard a drug rehab counselor say, "Detachment is a means whereby we allow others the opportunity to learn how to care for themselves better.” I felt confused and disturbed. I was a parent. My teenage child’s life and our family were being ravaged by her struggle with drug and alcohol use. Was I being told I shouldn’t try to stop her from using drugs and alcohol? That I shouldn’t try to protect her from herself or try to control her recovery? I had heard about this “loving detachment” before and it sounded like a self-protective form of abandonment.