Ah, fall. It’s my favorite time of year… the cooler, crisper mornings; the spectacular red and yellow shimmer of leaves, the slant of the sun that turns things golden and soft. I am suffused with a joy that seems to reach every cell of my body. One of the great gifts of NVC for me is this being present for and letting in the wonderful that surrounds me.

I think of myself as having a physical and emotional “capacity” tank. Stress, worry, challenging experiences, disconnection and confusion can reduce the level of my capacity tank. Acknowledging needs met and practicing those things...

Privilege. That’s the big word in much of the NVC trainers’ world. Some of us have taken online courses and joined in groups to learn how to become allies for people of color. Others also participate in conversations on how to deal with the distress of having privilege in the face of wanting everyone’s needs to matter equally.

The population of my town, Ashland, is white and economically and culturally, mostly middle class. Thanks to the Oregon Shakespeare Festival (OSF) and the university, some, not many, people of color, primarily African Americans, live and work here. Recently,...

1. Are you very self-aware?
2. Are you thoughtful?
3. Do you enjoy understanding details?
4. Are you interested in self-knowledge and self-understanding?
5. Do you tend to keep your emotions private?
6. Are you quiet and reserved around large groups or unfamiliar people?
7. Are you more sociable and gregarious around people you know well?
8. Do you learn well through observation?

How was it to read through these questions? Did you answer “yes” to any of them? Or were they all “no’s”? Most people answer with combinations of yesses...

Most things that you want to learn fully require transformation on multiple levels. Knowledge and understanding the concepts is not enough for true mastery. The same is true of Compassionate Communication (NVC). It can easily be misused by those with only a superficial understanding. Over the years I have read or heard people talk about how NVC is actually violent, manipulative, or otherwise flawed. Unfortunately what's usually happening there, is someone has simply learned enough to do what they have always done, but just with a new vocabulary. This is painful and confusing for everyone...