Your survival depends on intimacy. As Thomas Lewis talks about in his book, "A General Theory of Love", an infant's life depends on intimacy with a caregiver to regulate basic physiological and emotional functioning. This regulation through connection continues throughout life.

However, if you are like most people, you have had formative experiences in which you moved toward intimacy and got the message that it wasn't okay and possibly that it was dangerous. At some point in becoming more and more intimate with a partner or other close person in your life, these previous experiences...

What an exhilarating experience to review the results of the 2017 ORNCC Census we initiated about a year ago. We launched the Census because we wanted to get a sense of how and where NVC is being utilized in Oregon and SW Washington State, and we are thrilled and encouraged to see the breadth and depth of its use. We are deeply grateful to those of you who responded.

We heard from: therapists, counselors, teachers, mediators and health practitioners who utilize NVC in their work; individuals who practice self-empathy and NVC with friends, family and co-workers; people who study...

There are myriad ways that you can disengage your listening and bring the focus back to yourself. One of the most common is to express that you have the same feeling as the speaker, e.g., "I feel that way too!" Sometimes this is connecting and sometimes it distracts you from what the other was saying. For example, your partner expresses their disappointment around missing intimacy with you and you say, "I miss it too, you know." This "me too" response can trigger a sense of competition or blame. You both might start gearing up for an argument about who has been wrong or who is suffering...

Do you ever wish you could get a little more breathing room with your partner? From your perspective, they move in so close that you wish you had a snorkel so you could get a little air.

Your partner on the other hand is feeling hurt wanting more intimacy and is receiving your request for space as a form of rejection or lack of caring. You notice this conflict repeating itself in little and big ways. You want to be able to ask for space and know that your partner trusts your caring. Your partner on the other hand, is longing for you to come closer without having to ask.

It...