Part-I: When is a request not a request -- and why you might want to know.

Ever make a seemingly reasonable request of someone and had them get their back up in reaction? Or had someone respond in a way making tragically clear they misunderstood what you’re asking? Or, perhaps worse, they appeared to agree yet didn’t follow through – or later denied you ever asked them?

Or maybe you've been on the other end? You’re blind-sided, discovering someone’s resentful or angry at you for your not having done something (perhaps something you might’ve been willing to do...

Listening to another's difficulties can be a joyful heart connected experience. When someone is sharing a difficulty with you, you don't always know what they are wanting back from you. Without knowing what they want, you likely do what you usually do depending on your habit. This may not match what's wanted and trigger disconnect or impatience. Or perhaps your habit involves taking responsibility for the other person, and listening becomes a burdensome job.

When you can choose to focus on what's happening for the other person without trying to fix or change their experience,...

True intimacy, as defined in the frame work of Mindful Compassionate Dialogue, lives in a container of acceptance, mutual care, mutual respect, and healthy differentiation. You can "feel close" to someone through a rush of love chemicals, enmeshment, or a trauma bond, but these kinds of experiences typically involve meeting some needs at the cost of many others and are not sustainable over time.

Intimacy is something that grows and deepens over time, when each person is able to experience and trust a sense of acceptance, mutual care, and mutual respect. In this case, sharing one's...