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Trainers are invited to write lessons, tips, and experiences with NVC.

3 Basics to Prevent Collusion

Submitted by Sally Marie, Feb, 2020
By LaShelle Lowe-Charde
From Connection Gem

The word collusion in the context of personal work is often used to refer to agreement and joining in with negative judgments of others. It is often used as a strategy to offer support. But collusion is a costly strategy for showing support. When you are colluding, you are feeding reactivity in yourself and the other person. Reactivity effectively blocks creative problem solving and helpful communication.

Contributing to Emotional Safety vs. Giving Up Honesty

Submitted by Sally Marie, Feb, 2020
By LaShelle Lowe-Charde
From Connection Gem

Contributing to emotional safety does not have to be in conflict with honest expression and authenticity. These are separate things. Imagining that you have to take care of someone’s tender heart by becoming small or giving up your needs is called enmeshment. This is a tragic strategy for relating. Enmeshment is encouraged in systems of oppression in which the person with less power is pressured to not rock the boat, in return sacrificing their authenticity, so that those with more power can stay comfortable.

May You Fall Madly in Love this Year

Submitted by Sally Marie, Jan, 2020
By Rachelle Lamb
From rachellelamb.com/blog

May you fall madly in love this year .. in love with someone who unhinges your tired trajectory, in love with a spouse of several years who might be aching for lightning, in love with demanding children and crazy relatives .. in love with the particular pedigree of genius insanity that has perhaps claimed you in spite of your reluctance .. and certainly in love with an animal, a cloud, a redwood, the wild .. these at least once a day.

The Holidays: 6 Mindful Communication Tips for Peace on Earth

Submitted by Sally Marie, Dec, 2019
By Jay Oren Sofer
From Americans of Conscience

Spending time with family members over the holidays—the season of “good will to all”—often can be challenging.

Family gatherings may reveal a widening canyon of personal, political, and cultural differences; table conversations can halt in tense silence or devolve into explosive argument. Instead of gritting your teeth to get through the meal, here are six tips for more mindful conversations during the holiday season.

Emergency Interventions for Escalating Arguments

Submitted by Sally Marie, Nov, 2019
By LaShelle Lowe-Charde
From Connection Gem

Once the swirl of an argument starts, it’s difficult to find your way back to connection. You might feel angry and scared and want to protect needs for understanding, respect, and consideration. Habit energy can be like a runaway semi truck going downhill. The brakes burn out, and you find yourself sliding into defending, shutting down, attacking, or blaming.

Steps for an Effective Timeout

Submitted by Sally Marie, Nov, 2019
By LaShelle Lowe-Charde
From Connection Gem

You know it’s important to take a timeout when you notice reactivity. Yet, when you come back to try again, you often get caught by the same reactivity.

Submitted by Anonymous, Nov, 2019

Writen by Peggy Smith, Martha Lasley, Sura Hart, Miki Kashtan, Sarah Peyton & Roberta Wall

Context

We have become aware of current situations where certified and non-certified trainers have engaged in sexual relations with participants/clients. We mourn deeply that such situations exist, and see them as part of larger societal patterns of misuse of power that results in serious impacts to others. We are committed to finding solutions that address such issues at the systemic level within our entire community. The only systemic component that exists, at present, is an...

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Help for Overwhelm

Submitted by Sally Marie, Nov, 2019
By LaShelle Lowe-Charde
From The Gem

If overwhelm is an all too frequent visitor, you likely find yourself withdrawing and trying to arrange conditions to be as quiet and peaceful as possible. When conditions are just right, you might get a short respite, but overwhelm seems to return no matter what you do.

What is NVC Mediation? A Powerful Model for Healing and Reconciling Conflict

Submitted by Sally Marie, Nov, 2019
By Ike Lasater, Julie Stiles
From mediate.com

To be a human being is to regularly be in conflict with oneself and others. Since we are biological beings, we are not able to be inside another person's experience, which means that each of us has our unique frame of reference on the world. Brain scientists tell us that our experience shapes how the mind perceives the world. We all know this intuitively. In a simple example, you and I can go to a movie together, and you might be impassioned while I might be bored. The difference lies in each of us, not in the movie.

How Detachment can be Loving for All

Submitted by Sally Marie, Nov, 2019
By Wayland Meyers
From waylandmyers.com and Puddle Dancer Press

Many years ago, I heard a drug rehab counselor say, "Detachment is a means whereby we allow others the opportunity to learn how to care for themselves better.” I felt confused and disturbed. I was a parent. My teenage child’s life and our family were being ravaged by her struggle with drug and alcohol use. Was I being told I shouldn’t try to stop her from using drugs and alcohol? That I shouldn’t try to protect her from herself or try to control her recovery? I had heard about this “loving detachment” before and it sounded like a self-protective form of abandonment.

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