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Trainers are invited to write lessons, tips, and experiences with NVC.

Submitted by Alex Censor, Dec, 2018

"Why" questions vs. "what" questions

I once worked with one client on the phone and by e-mail. He was having a painful series of encounters with his five year old about various conflicts (such as getting up to go to school, etc.)

He asked me a couple of times "why does she do that" and made clear he had asked her the same.

I passed on to him one tip I picked up from Marshall -- that "why" questions have a different (and often less lifeserving) dynamic than "what" or "how" questions and gave him some examples of the difference.

(Very relevant, also, was my own...

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Submitted by LaShelle Lowe-Charde, Dec, 2018

When you hear someone say they work in a toxic organization, it may seem to you that the only choices you have are to agree and collude, to disagree and argue, or to minimize and try to change the topic. Ugh, these aren’t life-giving choices. Unless you are able to offer empathy and the other person is able to receive empathy, conversations like these lead to disconnect and a sense of bind.

When a label or judgment attempts to describe the quality of something, it is simply an indication of someone’s perception. Hearing someone say that an organization is toxic doesn’t actually tell...

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Submitted by Selene Aitken, Nov, 2018

In 2008, I joined the ORNCC Board to participate in the planning of the “Leading a Non-Violent Life” 3-day conference at the University of Oregon. It featured Marshall Rosenberg, Rev C.T.Vivian, close colleague of Rev. Martin Luther King Jr, and Julia Butterfly Hill. My role during the conference was to assist Julia Butterfly Hill, a pleasure and a privilege. Mostly I made sure she had plenty of best quality drinking water in her glass jar.

I left the Board about a year later and returned in 2012. I’ve been the secretary for the last 5 years. Questions about meeting minutes? Check...

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Submitted by Gary Baran, Oct, 2018

“It” sucks.

“It’s a beautiful day” is never the truth, although I may feel thrilled and am inspired when I see light coming through clouds in just that way.

If you’re standing next to me, and looking in the same direction, you might have that kind of experience, too, or maybe not. Maybe your attention is elsewhere, for example on the latest political newscast. And I’m OK with that.

I am weaning myself of “It” so I can experience my life more fully. I hope you’ll join me in that even if you don’t notice the light coming through the clouds in this moment.

Submitted by Alex Censor, Oct, 2018

Some of you may have heard of and have interest in the experimental plan to enhance spread of NVC. It was called the New Future process (NFP), and the entity it was to manifest called NVC-0.

This process was started about 5 years ago. One group working on was called the Implementation Council.

In April of 2017 the CNVC Board sent a letter to the NFP Implementation Council describing a significant change in the relationship between CNVC and the NFP.

I am posting the Board's full letter below for any interested.

I personally and many others were relieved and...

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When CEO Satya Nadella took over Microsoft, he started defusing its toxic culture by handing each of his execs a 15-year-old book by a psychologist

Submitted by Sally Marie, Oct, 2018
By Mark Abadi
From Business Insider
  • Microsoft CEO Satya Nadella bought all the members of his senior leadership team a copy of the book "Nonviolent Communication" in 2014 when he took over the company.
  • At the time, Microsoft was known for having a culture of hostility, infighting, and backstabbing.
  • "Nonviolent Communication" preaches compassion and empathy in communication, and it has lessons that apply beyond the boardroom.
Submitted by Anonymous, Oct, 2018

"Peace requires something far more difficult than revenge or merely turning the other cheek; it requires empathizing with the fears and unmet needs that provide the impetus for people to attack each other. Being aware of these feelings and needs, people lose their desire to attack back because they can see the human ignorance leading to these attacks; instead, their goal becomes providing the empathic connection and education that will enable them to transcend their violence and engage in cooperative relationships."

~ Marshall B. Rosenberg, Speak Peace in a World of Conflict:...

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Submitted by Alex Censor, Oct, 2018

Part-I: When is a request not a request -- and why you might want to know.

Ever make a seemingly reasonable request of someone and had them get their back up in reaction? Or had someone respond in a way making tragically clear they misunderstood what you’re asking? Or, perhaps worse, they appeared to agree yet didn’t follow through – or later denied you ever asked them?

Or maybe you've been on the other end? You’re blind-sided, discovering someone’s resentful or angry at you for your not having done something (perhaps something you might’ve been willing to do...

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Submitted by Anonymous, Sep, 2018

Activist Frances Kissling embodies an openness that is uncomfortable and difficult in this political moment. It’s a challenging coincidence that we chose to air her show this week, What Is Good in the Position of the Other, when few of us feel trust in the other side. But in her decades of work at the center of our fraught conversation on abortion, Kissling says she finds hope not in the possibility of common ground or agreement, but rather in the process...

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Submitted by LaShelle Lowe-Charde, Sep, 2018

Listening to another's difficulties can be a joyful heart connected experience. When someone is sharing a difficulty with you, you don't always know what they are wanting back from you. Without knowing what they want, you likely do what you usually do depending on your habit. This may not match what's wanted and trigger disconnect or impatience. Or perhaps your habit involves taking responsibility for the other person, and listening becomes a burdensome job.

When you can choose to focus on what's happening for the other person without trying to fix or change their experience,...

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