Article Intro
Trainers are invited to write lessons, tips, and experiences with NVC.
Articles
Submitted by LaShelle Lowe-Charde, Nov, 2017
There are myriad ways that you can disengage your listening and bring the focus back to yourself. One of the most common is to express that you have the same feeling as the speaker, e.g., "I feel that way too!" Sometimes this is connecting and sometimes it distracts you from what the other was saying. For example, your partner expresses their disappointment around missing intimacy with you and you say, "I miss it too, you know." This "me too" response can trigger a sense of competition or blame. You both might start gearing up for an argument about who has been wrong or who is suffering...
more... Submitted by Robert Gonzales, Nov, 2017
I am feeling deep gratitude and inspiration as I write this.
The other day, I received a warm and thought-provoking note from Mary Mackenzie about the NVC Academy's annual Telethon. While reading her note, it suddenly came to me that she and Mark Schultz and myself and many others have been living and breathing and being present to this work with Nonviolent Communication for many, many years now.
It struck me deeply that the paths of ALL our lives have been profoundly influenced by Marshall Rosenberg.
Perhaps the same is true for you — perhaps you too would have...
more... Submitted by LaShelle Lowe-Charde, Oct, 2017
Do you ever wish you could get a little more breathing room with your partner? From your perspective, they move in so close that you wish you had a snorkel so you could get a little air.
Your partner on the other hand is feeling hurt wanting more intimacy and is receiving your request for space as a form of rejection or lack of caring. You notice this conflict repeating itself in little and big ways. You want to be able to ask for space and know that your partner trusts your caring. Your partner on the other hand, is longing for you to come closer without having to ask.
It...
more... Submitted by LaShelle Lowe-Charde, Oct, 2017
Sometimes you identify a need in yourself or hear someone else name a need and you get a funny feeling like something isn't quite right. The need named, makes sense logically, but something in your gut says something is off. Or, you are in a dialogue and you both have named your needs and negotiated requests, but the issue doesn't feel settled.
If you have been working with universal needs for a while you have likely found that in any given situation there are layers of needs alive for you. Sometimes needs seem to take the role of strategies to meet other needs. This creates a...
more... Submitted by Sarah Peyton, Sep, 2017
Article by Taylor A. Wolf
As NVC continues to develop from the beautiful seeds that Marshall Rosenberg planted, it has moved in a number of directions. The work of Miki Kashtan has taken the nonviolent consciousness of NVC directly into processes with systems and groups. Some practitioners meld Nonviolent Communication with approaches like focusing for deep self-connection and self-discovery. And the branch that Susan Skye and Sarah Peyton have spent years nurturing right here in Oregon, the integration of Nonviolent Communication with relational neuroscience, with a...
more... Submitted by LaShelle Lowe-Charde, Jun, 2017
Much of communication happens through your body. Your body expresses beliefs, emotions, needs, and attitudes. You respond to and track body language throughout an interaction whether consciously or subconsciously.
There are some common body postures that you likely recognize at the conscious level. The gesture of arms and legs crossed and head turned slightly away, is typically perceived as resistance or disinterest. But if you asked the person sitting this way about it, you might hear something like, "I am sitting like this because I feel scared and angry, but it doesn't mean I don...
more... Submitted by Sarah Peyton, May, 2017
I have shared before that my mother was fractured by trauma. Her reflections of me shifted every time she blinked. I had the luck in college to receive four consecutive letters from her, each about the same subject: what she thought about me and friendship. In the first, she wrote, “Sarah, you have no friends.” In the second, she wrote, “You have so many friends.” In the third, “You are a person who only has one friend at a time.” And in the fourth, “I don’t understand how you can have so many close friends at once.”
Strange though it may seem, this particular series of letters was...
more... Submitted by LaShelle Lowe-Charde, Apr, 2017
Meeting someone's need to be heard usually means going beyond just hearing the content of what is said. You know this and you recognize times when you have a sense of really being heard. But when it comes asking someone to hear you, you may struggle with a clear request.
When someone "gets you", a lot is happening all at once. They let their heart be affected by you. They allow themselves to feel their own caring, grief, joy, or fear while all the while giving you their full attention.
Attending to you in this way it's almost as if they can follow your perception of something...
more... Submitted by Bryn Hazell, Apr, 2017
At a recent practice group the metaphor of a tennis court came up during an exploration of someone’s feelings and needs about a particular relationship. We drew a picture of a tennis court on our white board and used it to get clarity about which side of the court is ours to play in a relationship.
It brought me back to when I was first learning NVC. The workshop facilitator asked me about my needs in a situation. I said something like, “I just want to understand why he’s angry and says such nasty things to me.” And the facilitator tried again, “and when that happens, what needs do...
more... Submitted by Gary Baran, Mar, 2017
I believe that many people were initially drawn to NVC because of the hope it offered for improved relationships with family and friends, and that most have found it helped improve those personal relationships, including the relationship with themselves. Some have been able to apply it in their workplaces, improving personal relationships with co-workers, employees or employers. But my impression is that relatively few have explored how NVC might be applied to contribute to far more complex systemic social change.
If I become aware that some system—for example the retributive...
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