Articles

Last year I had a participant in an extended workshop which happened over the course of a year. He was low in energy, found it hard to get going in the mornings, and could only name exhaustion, overwhelm and depression as his feelings.

As we worked together over those months, we began to make sense of a world that had stopped making sense. There had been deaths, external and internal. His sister had died. A part of him died with her, only he didn’t know, because he had been fooled by the part of him that kept going. There had been betrayals. People he loved had not told him the...

You express a difficult experience and hear your friend respond with everything but empathy. As you become more familiar with self-empathy and empathy, you realize its power and the rewards of just turning towards your experience and staying present. Unfortunately some of your loved ones haven't learned this yet. You know they care about you and mean well. At the same time, it's pretty disconnecting to share in a vulnerable way and hear your friend say something like, "Come on, it's not so bad, look at the bright side, you..." In an attempt to be helpful, your friend directs you away from...

There are two ways that anger can be a problem in relationships: the first is reactive anger - the sudden outbursts of words, temper or action that create a nervous system response in the other; and the second is reaction to anger - in other words, the way that the nervous system that has been startled reacts.

Reactive anger that takes us toward someone in blame is the problem-solving dance of the left hemisphere. It silences and frightens others, and claims power through force.

When my son Nick was 7 years old, I realized that I had an anger problem: I discovered this one...

In an attempt to act responsibly when you're upset, you might try to determine if your level of upset about something was reasonable. Even if there were some universal measuring stick for appropriate upset, the answer wouldn't be particularly helpful. You would either claim your right to be upset or feel shame for having the wrong level of upset.

Rather than trying to decide if upset is legitimate, it's more helpful to ask yourself, "How can I be responsible in the midst of this upset?" In Compassionate Communication (NVC) taking responsibility for any emotion means connecting with...