Articles

You know arguing is painful and doesn’t go anywhere, but you can’t stop yourself. You hear your own tense voice pushing your view and negating the other person’s view. You repeat yourself while getting louder, knowing all the while that it’s not helping. Afterwards, you feel hurt and exasperated. You long for a way through that is easy and connected.

Mostly, arguments like these arise and repeat because neither you nor the other person trust that needs will be heard and honored. Without this trust, you hold tightly to your opinion about how things should go. You think you have the...

When someone you love is facing a big challenge, you naturally want to help. Unfortunately, it is not always clear how to help. When it is something practical or physical, you might feel relief at knowing exactly how to contribute. When it is something emotionally complex, it’s not as easy to know how to offer support.

To complicate matters further, often your loved one doesn’t know what to ask for or what would be helpful. If there is reactivity in the mix, you are aware of not wanting to escalate it, but, at the same time, you know you want to help.

There is no simple...

When you hear someone say they work in a toxic organization, it may seem to you that the only choices you have are to agree and collude, to disagree and argue, or to minimize and try to change the topic. Ugh, these aren’t life-giving choices. Unless you are able to offer empathy and the other person is able to receive empathy, conversations like these lead to disconnect and a sense of bind.

When a label or judgment attempts to describe the quality of something, it is simply an indication of someone’s perception. Hearing someone say that an organization is toxic doesn’t actually tell...