Whether it is anger in yourself or anger in others, knowing how to meet anger opens the door to patience and confidence. Anger is a valid feeling that serves a purpose. It helps bring attention to what matters, however, it is not helpful for then deciding what to do. Join us and learn how to allow anger to serve its purpose and then shift out of anger to take wise and compassionate action.
Is this you?
Whether it is anger in yourself or anger in others, meeting anger is an essential skill. If you are ready to learn more about anger and how to relate to it in yourself and others, join us for this series.
You want to focus in your practice with anger in at least one of these three ways:
- You may have a fear or block around anger and want to access anger along with other emotions.
- You find yourself getting angry, staying angry, and/or behaving from anger and would like some skills for transforming this pattern of reactivity.
- Your fear of anger in others inhibits your ability to feel safe, set boundaries, and express what's really true for you.
What is it all about?
Anger is an important signaling system letting you know that you perceive a threat. It is meant to draw your attention to something so that you can take care of yourself or others.
In the context of recovering from an abusive relationship, anger can indicate progress. Anger can be a sign that you are ready to stand up for your needs and set boundaries.
When you are mindful enough to recognize anger as a signal, you can use it as a cue to immediately engage in a structured intervention to promote self-awareness and connection. Effective interventions include at least these basics: naming it, accepting that it's okay to have it, feeling it in your body, and looking for the feelings and needs/values underneath it.
Anger becomes entrenched when you fan the flames of it with your thoughts and behavior. For example, some thoughts that fan the flames of anger are "Things should be different than they are." Or "They should do it my way."
Meeting someone in anger while experiencing a sense of safety can be very challenging because anger is often associated with violent behavior. Tragically, for those who are often angry experience a cycle of not being heard again and again. This leaves in its wake, loneliness and more reactivity. One part of accessing a sense of safety while another is angry is learning how to meet that person and learning how to set a needs-based boundary.
Lastly, anger can also be habitual. Understanding anger as a habit gives you access to a wide array of strategies for working with it. These include body awareness, replacement strategies, obtaining a critical mass of clarity, and identifying an underlying need for healing.
What to expect:
You will enter into a safe and supportive environment to learn and practice. You will have the opportunity to come together with a group of others who share your values and commitment to growth. You will notice that when a whole group brings this clear intention and dedication, a synergistic field is created which makes it easier for you to do the work you want to do.
You will work with examples from your own life. This means you get to decide the level of vulnerability you will bring to each exercise. The exercises are structured so that you are challenging yourself and at the same time can maintain mindfulness and learning. The focus is on empowering you to interrupt shame, engage compassion for yourself, and stand firmly in a sense of your inviolable worth.
For each class there will be an introduction to concepts and skills, practice time in structured exercises in pairs or small groups, and then whole group questions and discussion time.
Class size ranges from 8 - 14 students. Each class contains students completely new to Wise Heart and students that know each other and me from previous classes.
How it works:
For live attendance of each class we will begin with five minutes of guided meditation. I will present a particular concept and skill. There will be an opportunity for questions or requests. Then you will practice the skill in a short structured exercise in either pairs or a small group or within the whole group. Students will be signing in from their own location in real time, at the same time. Exercises can be modified to give you more or less challenge depending on your learning edge. You may also engage in role plays. There will be an opportunity for debrief and questions after each exercise.
We will be able to see and hear each other in little boxes on the screen. It's important to have a light in front of you not behind you. The video conferencing technology allows for breaking up into to pairs or small groups that I can visit and check in with just as I would do in an in person course.
It's okay to miss one or two classes in a series. You will receive a recording of the class and be asked to view it and do the corresponding exercises before the next class. Students won't be shown on the recording.
You can also opt to take the series only through the recording and participate in discussion via the online format. I recommend you find someone to do the course exercises with if you are receiving the recording.
You will receive a detailed workbook as a part of the class that you will need to have with you for each class. This workbook is dense with information and also contains instructions for each experiential exercise.
Details:
LIVE ATTENDANCE MEANS:
- Attending at least six of the eight classes.
- Arriving on time to each class (2:30 p.m. PDT).
- Attending and participating for the duration of the class (2:30 p.m.-4:30 p.m., with a 10-minute break in the middle). It is very disruptive to come in and out of a single class session; please plan to attend by recording if you cannot stay for the full two hours of the class.
- Consistent access to internet speeds and connectivity that support video conferencing (600kbps/1.2Mbps (up/down) for HQ video; 1.5Mbps/1.5Mbps (up/down) for gallery view).
- Facility with using the Zoom video conferencing system. Please ask to consult with one of the staff members at Wise Heart if you are unsure about this aspect of your attendance.
- Logging in each week using the initial instructions and meeting ID # you received before the start of the course.
- Optional participation in the weekly online discussion with all students enrolled in the course.
SELF-PACED ATTENDANCE MEANS:
- As self-paced participants, you will receive an extensive workbook as well as access to the video recordings of each session within 24 hours of the end of the session (4:30 p.m. PDT).
- You can ask to be assigned an empathy buddy to work with if you like.
- Questions regarding the material, recordings, and practice each week will be answered by LaShelle via email correspondence. Please place the word QUESTION in all caps in the subject line so that we can track them and respond in a timely manner.
- Optional participation in the weekly online discussion with all students enrolled in the course.
LaShelle Lowe-Chardé is passionate about helping people express their deepest values in their relationships and creating clarity and connection with self and others.
She began her professional career with a master’s degree in school psychology. In addition to nine years in public schools, she spent several years facilitating group healing work for adolescent youth labeled “at-risk”. During that same time she led leadership and teamwork trainings for businesses and organizations around Portland, Oregon.
Along the way she found Compassionate/Nonviolent Communication (NVC) and began training with Marshall Rosenberg and other internationally known NVC trainers. She immediately knew that Compassionate Communication was the missing piece. It offers a deep and broad yet simple understanding of human nature along with a concrete set of tools to help us act and live from a place of clarity and compassion. For LaShelle, Compassionate Communication is the hands and feet of spirituality. In 2006, she was certified as a NVC trainer.
In addition to certification in Nonviolent Communication, she has completed a three year training in Hakomi - Body Centered Therapy and introductory trainings in Emotionally Focused Therapy and with the Gottman Institute.
In 2004, she founded her business, Wise Heart (www.wiseheartpdx.org). Since that time she has served as a trainer, private coach, and mentor for the learning and practice of Compassionate Communication and mindfulness. LaShelle teaches locally as well as through video conferencing online. She has offerings for couples, women, and the general public in addition to trainings for local nonprofit organizations. Her offerings focus on combining NVC with mindfulness and a subtle understanding of reactivity and relationship skills.