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Needs-based Negotiation: Staying Grounded in Conflict and Making Effective Agreements

Video Conference

Is this you?

You have been practicing Mindful Compassionate Dialogue or Nonviolent Communication long enough to know that it's not easy to put into practice. You value the consciousness, principles, and skills and would like to trust that you can reliably communicate in accordance with them. You are especially interested in how to engage in collaborative dialogue that doesn't get derailed by reactivity and is connecting and creative.

You want to be able to manage reactivity in yourself and meet it in others while you stay in dialogue. You are ready to learn how to stay grounded and connected in dialogue. You are ready to learn the nuanced awareness and subtle skills of Needs-based dialogue.

You recognize that learning Needs-based dialogue requires vulnerability and the ability to be present with uncomfortable feelings. You trust that the group structure we offer and your own resources will allow you to meet these challenges in our class series.

What's it all about?

Mindful Compassionate Dialogue naturally supports you in creating the relationships you want by integrating the wisdom and skills of three powerful modalities: Hakomi, Nonviolent Communication (NVC), and Mindfulness.

Hakomi offers clarity about reactivity and healing, NVC offers a means for self-responsibility, skillful communication, and agency, and Mindfulness adds the stable attention and the clear focus needed to continuously refine your understanding and skills.

MCD is a system meant to provide access to agency, compassion, and wisdom through transformation and practice with 12 Relationship Competencies, nine foundations, and the intention to connect. Needs-based negotiation is the 7th relationship competency.

Learning needs-based negotiation will give you a sense of ease and creativity as you face the most difficult situations in life. You will be able to enter into challenging dialogues with a confidence that all needs can be honored.

There are three key distinctions that make needs-based negotiation different from other forms of negotiation.

First, in needs-based negotiation, the quality of connection is the top priority. We trust that when there is a particular quality of connection, collaboration and creativity become accessible.

Second, when the aliveness of needs/values in the present moment inform the process, we find truly effective strategies, solutions, and agreements.

Lastly, needs-based negotiation is inclusive. It rests on a confidence that each person can be equally honored and respected.

Overview for this series

In this series, you will practice the six skills of Needs-based negotiation:

  1. Articulate the difference between needs based negotiation and other common forms of negotiation
  2. Identify and communicate three ways to set up a dialogue for success: state intention, offer reassurance, plan for safety
  3. State observations, thoughts, feelings and needs in less than two minutes before asking for a reflection back from the other person.
  4. Begin brainstorming requests when there is a clear sense of shared caring and honor of each other's needs
  5. Engage creative brainstorming by restating the needs present for all and then making a list of possible strategies / actions to meet those needs without evaluating, agreeing or disagreeing with any ideas
  6. Choose 1-3 strategies from the brainstorm list and refine into specific and doable agreements.

What to expect?

You will interact with other students who are grounded in the values of mindfulness and compassion and bring a strong intention for growth and transformation. You will engage in conceptual learning, group discussion, experiential learning, and skills practice. Practice exercises will be done individually, in pairs, and in small groups. You will apply examples that you choose from your own life in each exercise.

Wise Heart has many dedicated students. Any given class series will be a mix of students who are new to Wise Heart and students who know LaShelle and each other from previous courses.

Understanding the online format

Students who opt in for the live course will be signing in from their own location in real time, at the same time. We will be able to see and hear each other in little boxes on the screen. The technology allows for breaking up into pairs or small groups, which I can visit and check in with just as I would do in an in-person course.

It's okay to miss one or two classes in a series. You will receive a recording of the class and be asked to view it and do the corresponding exercises before the next class. Students won't be shown on the recording, but can be heard.


With the online format you can participate in a weekly discussion with all students. I recommend that you find someone to do the course exercises with if you are receiving the recording.

You will receive a detailed workbook as a part of the class, which you will need to have with you for each class. This workbook is packed with information and contains instructions for each experiential exercise.



  • Arriving on time to each class (2:00 p.m. PDT).
  • Attending and participating for the duration of the class (2:00 p.m.-4:00 p.m., with a 10-minute break in the middle). It is very disruptive to come in and out of a single class session; please plan to attend by recording if you cannot stay for the full two hours of the class.
  • Consistent access to internet speeds and connectivity that support video conferencing (600kbps/1.2Mbps (up/down) for HQ video; 1.5Mbps/1.5Mbps (up/down) for gallery view).
  • Facility with using the Zoom video conferencing system. Please ask to consult with one of the staff members at Wise Heart if you are unsure about this aspect of your attendance.
  • Logging in each week using the initial instructions, meeting ID, and password you received before the start of the course.
  • Optional participation in the weekly online discussion with all students enrolled in the course.


  • As self-paced participants, you will receive an extensive workbook as well as access to the video recordings of each session within 24 hours of the end of the session (4:00 p.m. PDT).
  • You can ask to be assigned a study buddy to work with if you like.
  • Questions regarding the material, recordings, and practice each week will be answered by LaShelle via email correspondence. Please place the word QUESTION in all caps in the subject line so that we can track them and respond in a timely manner.
  • Optional participation in the weekly online discussion with all students enrolled in the course.
Repeats every week, on Friday until Fri, Aug 28, 2020.
Fri, Jul 10, 2020 - 2:00pm to 4:00pm
Check to enter a Repeating Date schedule
Training by: 
LaShelle Lowe-Charde's picture
CNVC Certified Trainer

LaShelle Lowe-Chardé is passionate about helping people express their deepest values in their relationships and creating clarity and connection with self and others.

She began her professional career with a master’s degree in school psychology. In addition to nine years in public schools, she spent several years facilitating group healing work for adolescent youth labeled “at-risk”. During that same time she led leadership and teamwork trainings for businesses and organizations around Portland, Oregon.

Along the way she found Compassionate/Nonviolent Communication (NVC) and began training with Marshall Rosenberg and other internationally known NVC trainers. She immediately knew that Compassionate Communication was the missing piece. It offers a deep and broad yet simple understanding of human nature along with a concrete set of tools to help us act and live from a place of clarity and compassion. For LaShelle, Compassionate Communication is the hands and feet of spirituality. In 2006, she was certified as a NVC trainer.

In addition to certification in Nonviolent Communication, she has completed a three year training in Hakomi - Body Centered Therapy and introductory trainings in Emotionally Focused Therapy and with the Gottman Institute.

In 2004, she founded her business, Wise Heart ( Since that time she has served as a trainer, private coach, and mentor for the learning and practice of Compassionate Communication and mindfulness. LaShelle teaches locally as well as through video conferencing online. She has offerings for couples, women, and the general public in addition to trainings for local nonprofit organizations. Her offerings focus on combining NVC with mindfulness and a subtle understanding of reactivity and relationship skills.

$260.00 (Participants can opt to pay a $99 deposit to register, and pay the remaining balance on or before the first day of the workshop.)

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